Living More Fully, Living More Truly

In this reflection, I would like to share how mindfulness practice has been helping me to live more fully and authentically for the last several years.

There is a story offered by a nurse at hospice who collected a list of reflections shared by hospice patients. One of them is “I didn’t live my life true to myself.”

What does it mean to live fully and true to oneself, and how is it related to mindfulness practice?

I had always been interested in silent meditation since my early twenties. I had learned to chant as a devotional practice and at the same time, I was intrigued by sitting with eyes closed in silence. During the pandemic, I started joining a weekly online meditation group where I chanted for the first 10 minutes and then sat in silence for 25 minutes. After meditation, a Dharma teacher shared an excerpt from books usually by Jack Kornfield, Pema Chodron and Thich Nhat Hanh. I was working in sales at that time, and my attentions were usually scattered from trying to pay attention to emails, text messages, chats on Team and phone calls simultaneously There was something about sitting quietly. I felt calmer in that space where I wasn’t expected to perform well. Later I learned that was a practice of non-doing - a practice of being. I felt the scattered energies started to gather again and I felt more attuned to myself.

So why does the practice of non-doing matter in our lives?

I started going back to working in the office towards the end of the pandemic. It looked like my colleagues were handling multi-tasks so well. Yet it looked to me we were all functioning only in the heads and so disconnected from the necks down. I particularly remember one colleague who had a bleeding nose due to lack of sleep a night before. She was drinking one cup of coffee to the next to stay hyper while taking care of her bleeding nose. It looked so strange to me to see someone who needed gentle care to her body but weren’t responding with care to what the body was asking for in that moment. I suggested gently maybe a cup of mint tea might help rather than caffeine.

In MMTCP, I appreciated this version of mindfulness to be taken in two steps: 1. Notice what’s happening with clear seeing and 2. Respond appropriately. I have a general impression when people hear “Mindfulness”, most people would presume to be mindful of a particular moment. It’s only a part of the practice to be aware of what’s happening. To me, the equally important thing is to respond not just from the head, but from the heart and body – the whole self. The mind has its own function to figure things out all the time. We can survive because the mind is working to keep us safe. Yet in this fast paced lifestyle, it feels like the mind is overactivated and overworking leading us to believe that we are individual pursuing our own success and we are separated from one another. My mindfulness mentor often says, “We are living in a loneliness pandemic.”. On the surface, it looks like we are connected through social media and text messages. Yet, if we are absent from the heart and body, and if we are only connected with the head, how can we feel deep connections with others where we feel nourished and supported?

Mindfulness practice teaches us to connect with ourselves first by paying attention to the breath, bodily sensations and touch points. It helps to remember we are imperfect and vulnerable human beings. It gives us permission to pause, slow down and connect with ourselves. Then we respond to our lives with care and authenticity. Why is this important? Because by responding to a situation in a different way, we are interrupting our habitual patters and changing the course of our lives. The practice focuses on the process and not the outcome, but it creates so many possibilities and potentials. It can start with a few minuets of practice a day it could opens up a way of living that feels true in one’s heart, body and mind.